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Dogwood Winter (Extended Version)

by J Bengoy

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1.
Hands 03:33
Looking at my hands Creased and cracked and made of sand Solace washes in All that was and is Will fade divide and end Telephone lines dance Collecting calls that don’t know where or how to begin When you look at what’s been sent You think of words that should never be said Now I know what we can do I can’t find a way to make it up to you You see me staring at my hands As though I’ve done something that Would make it hard to exist We’re going out on the town Running around and Trying not to scream and shout and Ambulate, escalate to the highest line Is this what it feels like Falling apart Ambulate, escalate to the highest line Is this what it’s been like Right from the start When we were young When we were young When we were
2.
Waiting for the weekend Waiting for my head to roll Hoping for some time that We might be alone Caught up on the words that Show you how I really feel Spin around my head in search of what is So what can you say? And what can you do When your thoughts and theories Always get the best of you What can you know When seconds can steal? I might just find a way To serpentine this deal Sit down tell me all your worries I won’t be your judge and jury I will never say what you should do You won’t be the constant shelter From a world that I could welter in But somehow You still pull me through I want you
3.
Keeping in shape at least in my face Living life just like I know I can’t always find a reason to survive But I like the way it’s going today All my troubles say stay home but I feel So good I could die right now If you asked me to I’d say Yeah I’m gonna do it So good I could die right now If you had a gun I’d say Hurry up and shoot it So good I could die right now Everything I’ve done would Float on its current So good I could die right now Living any longer would take Away from it I get a lot of grief Just for saying what I mean Sometimes I’m just sorry for The inconvenience Sometimes I feel pretty sad Sometimes I’m just mad Neither does me any better All my troubles say stay home but I feel So good I could die right now If you asked me to I’d say Yeah I’m gonna do it So good I could die right now If you had a gun I’d say Hurry up and shoot it So good I could die right now Everything I’ve done would Float on its current So good I could die right now Living any longer would take Away from it It’s gonna take some time Before I can find Anything worth more Than this closing door But I
4.
Brains 04:41
Hopeful I’ve been all my life Staring Into what they call strife I want to be there even when I’m not Tell them where they went wrong Always on my mind Keeping myself alive and in time I feel so misunderstood Lately I’ve been having doubts Trying to keep myself out I want to even when I’m out To show them where they went wrong Always on my mind Keeping myself alive and in time I feel so misunderstood When I get my book on the wall I will know where I fall and what for I need your honest ear I’m here because of the fear I feel the beat of us all Coming here before the fall And I would say There’s been something Eating at my head Telling me what there is instead Always on my mind Keeping myself alive and in time I feel so misunderstood Keeping it
5.
Armchair 02:15
Crawling, clawing I'm just trying to climb in And get going pushing hard against the horizon Because things fall down But they don't always fall into place Steadfast, static Every day is so damn automatic I stop sleeping cause I'm tired Of dreaming Of the one where our souls Are standing in line And you're sitting in your armchair Just killing time Fall in line Fake the whole thing Cut me loose Cut it clean now
6.
Bleached 03:11
Forest underneath my feet You were chasing on my heels We were so young and naive Didn’t know just how to feel We were singing who are you? Walking up from Old Oak Drive Looking down from Shepard Hills The thought that We might have made eyes Was more than I could have concealed Who are you? It was so serene Hanging from those trees Clothes all stained with bleach Thinking funny things Who are you?
7.
Simpsons 02:58
Have I met you? Well I hope I will Cognizant of needs I won’t fulfill Build up the confidence to ask you out I’d rather hide inside my head But that won’t put these thoughts to bed Can we go back to your house and Get butt naked Go into your room and Watch the Simpsons? Oh moving slow feels so good Wondering if we even should Some things can’t be sold in this world And I don’t know if this is one of them but We can always play pretend until it’s not Plan a trip into the Ouachitas Make it to the cabin before nightfall Stay up telling tales Talk about what ails Listening to the whippoorwills So can we let the fire go and Both get naked Turn the lamplight low and Watch the Simpsons? Oh moving slow feels so good Wondering if we even should Some things can’t be sold in this world And I don’t know if this is one of them but We can always play pretend until it’s not
8.
Suspended 04:25
Suspend the part of my head That will come around again To your door at 3 am Your color tv Your strands of lights They illuminate the night We stay up talking Like we were once friends Oh I was seen Walking on my street Caught living a different life Uncertain Of that I’m sure Managing blissfully You and I haven’t been here Daring to leave What we’ve always known We’re the ones Who are trying to change You need to recognize We’re already there
9.
Shake your mind Love your lines Wonder why you feel confined Stay up late Hate your face Tired of all your tries I’ve said my prayers She gets fired Hopes transpire Waiting on a new thing I’ve got mine Spend my time Was there and moved on I’ve said my prayers
10.
You were sitting at the top of the stairs You know, those linoleum one we installed two weeks ago And you had this Big ole evil grin on your face like I had done something wrong But you hadn’t admitted it yet So I said hey little lady what’s going on And you said What kind of demeaning question is that That’s not conducive to anything at all And we looked at each other in Acknowledgement Because we both know We don’t talk about it I was losing my luminescence While you were becoming Increasingly enigmatic A hole was opening up In the staircase wall Inch by inch Meter by meter Yard by yard It was swallowing up my head And I forgot my name And you forgot mine too Because if we’re honest We’ll acknowledge That we don’t talk about it You were losing your vagabond clothes and I was losing what I’d come to know Which is We don’t talk about it
11.
Prostrating in bed Miscounting sheep I was worried about the way that You had felt and Then you told me Your cynical apprehensive sensitivity Has pushed me Into the mid-North American sea So yeah It’s over But maybe I’m I’m not so messed up Actively innocent You are the jaded one I’m sorry for the hurtful sentiment In the last chorus I know that you meant the best By being brutally honest We all want acceptance Of our faults and wrongs and insecurities And my ill-fittingly designed upholstery I pull my last hair out Cause if I’m really that messed up My active innocence is becoming undone Am I really that messed up? Okay, I believe you I need help sometimes Losing my fucking mind Am I who I want? I’m on the borderline

about

Captured on this record are our collective experiences with youth and the exit from it. Youth is a deeply strange thing. Sometimes it is the exciting, nail-biting, anxiety-producing experience of falling in love. Sometimes it can be the difficult, painful learning process that should occur after you hurt someone you care for. It is a time where innocence can either turn into experience or ignorance. As days pass, our memories tend to take on a rosy hue. "Dogwood Winter" excavates those memories and takes another look, trying to re-discover what was lost over time.

We recorded this album during a period of upheaval in our lives - post-college. The ending of relationships, coming to terms with working life, and figuring out how to recapture youthful energy are also themes that are drawn upon from our experiences.

This band is a family. We argue, bicker, make toasts, and debate the finer points of baldness. We love each other. Many heartfelt thanks to the people that have supported us during this process and in being the weird people that we are - our families, friends, and Burlington.
- J Bengoy

credits

released April 17, 2018

Justin Barton - Keys, vocals
Charlie Hill - Guitar, vocals
Greg Heelan - Guitar
Ryan Jory - Bass, backing vocals
Patrick Freeman - Drums, guitar, backing vocals

All songs © J Bengoy 2018. All rights reserved.

Lyrics: Charlie Hill (3, 4, 8, 9), Greg Heelan (1, 2, 5), and Justin Barton (1, 2, 6, 7, 8, 10, 11).
All music written by J Bengoy.
Writing help from Margot Van Horne on Track 3.

Tracks 1-8 recorded by Charlie Hill & the Benboys
Produced by Patrick Freeman at Pine Street Studios, Burlington, VT
Mixed by Daniel Kruglak at Meadowlark Studios, Williston, VT
Tracks 9, 10 & 11 recorded and mixed by Theodore Klein at Empire Studios, Crown Heights, NY
All tracks mastered by Rob O’Dea at Tank Studio in Burlington, VT
Artwork by Eli Coretti
Photography by Kayhl Cooper
Artwork Layout by Patrick Freeman

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J Bengoy Vermont

Left-hand pop

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